eHarmony User Data Reveals the Biggest Relationship Mistakes

Data from 619,533 Users Looked at Lying, Drinking, Cheating and Cheapskates; Being Rude is the Number 1 Dealbreaker for both Men and Women

LOS ANGELES--()--The world’s only relationship platform, eHarmony, today released user data from 619,533 eHarmony subscribers that revealed Dating Dealbreakers for both men & women, with being rude taking the top spot! 77% of men and 79% of women say that rudeness will end the relationship, lying came in third with 61% of men and 62% of women saying they wouldn’t tolerate it.

Hanging out with an ex also came in high, beating out lying on the Dealbreaker scale as well with 71% of men and 73% of women saying absolutely not! Surprisingly, laziness only came in at 17% of men and 18% of women.

“While we weren’t surprised to see that rudeness was an important factor for both men and women, we were interested in the fact that it beat out lying and hanging out with an ex as a Dealbreaker!” said Jeannie Assimos, editor in chief. “We look at data sets like this on an ongoing basis to always better understand the things that drive both successful and unsuccessful relationships and fine tune our algorithms. We are the first and only online dating platform to use research-based factors that predict success in a relationship to match our users and so it’s key to our success to understand what is influencing our users’ relationships.”

The eHarmony data also measured how cursing, being in shape, being a cheapskate, living with parents, drinking and smoking, lying, hanging out with an ex, messiness and laziness impacted relationships and what were the biggest Dealbreakers. Here’s how all the data shakes out:

  • Cursing! While 1 out of 4 women and 1 out of 5 men say it’s a turnoff, women say it’s not a Dealbreaker but 77% of men say it’s the end of the relationship!
  • Does a Date Need to be in Shape – Nearly half of both men and women say it’s a nice bonus with 21% of women and 29% of men saying it’s a must have.
  • Date a Cheapskate – Nearly half of the men say they are okay with dating a cheapskate but 3 out of 4 women say no way!

A look at how people feel about dating someone who is Living with Mom and Dad showed the most significant disparity between men and women. About 4 out of 5 men say they are fine dating someone who still lives with mom and dad, but more than half of women say they won’t date someone who hasn’t moved out.

  • Drinking is a much more acceptable behavior than Smoking with 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men saying that drinking on a first date is acceptable. On the other hand, only 42% of men and 31% of women say smoking is tolerable.
  • Smoking is a Dealbreaker for approximately 30% of both men and women who say they would give a partner who smokes an ultimatum.
  • Being Rude! Perhaps most surprising of all is that the biggest Dealbreaker, according to more than 600,000 eHarmony users, is being rude. 77% of men and 79% of women agree that being rude is a bigger Dealbreaker than messiness, smoking, laziness, lying, or even hanging out with an ex.

eHarmony has published the data along with an infographic linked here. For more information or to join eHarmony, please visit us at

About eHarmony, Inc.

Los Angeles, California-based eHarmony, Inc. ( was founded in 2000 and is a pioneer in using relationship science to create highly compatible relationships based on key dimensions of personality that are scientifically proven to predict the most compatible, highly successful, long-term relationships. On average, 438 people marry every day in the U.S. as a result of eHarmony, nearly 5% of new marriages.* eHarmony operates in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Singapore and Australia.

*2009 survey conducted for eHarmony by Harris Interactive®


Coltrin & Associates
Jennifer Webb, 212-221-1616


Coltrin & Associates
Jennifer Webb, 212-221-1616